For me, when I am going through a difficult time, I let myself feel any emotion I might have. It's something I have had to train myself to do, as before, I generally responded with anger, which was completely unhealthy. I might put on some music, and think about the situation, then think of what the next move I should make might be. I have found that this works pretty well for me, and the difficult situation, though it may still be there, seems to be less of an emotional time, and more of an obstacle I have to overcome.

   

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    It’s another world out here. What makes it different here is the way I am looked at here. I am actually seen. I don’t have a constant ache in my heart wondering if I will ever be taken for who I really am anymore. This is the first place I have been able to find that place in my life that I can be totally unafraid of being silly, being sad, simply letting my emotions go when they come. I no longer have to hide behind a mask of lies, making myself seem tough, making it seem as if I were impenetrable. I am finally free.
    The amazing part of this is that there are still people in my life that find this freedom I have found wrong. I have done nothing wrong. How can you be wrong in finding oneself? How can you say that a person is wrong for being true. “The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.” I suppose that is where many of those people still are. I so wish that they could see who I really am. I think it is perhaps because they are not true to themselves as to why they cannot see me. Don’t they long for that freedom? Don’t they long for those answers to their burning questions of “is this really it?”? I can’t see how anyone can be so content with the mundane. Don’t these people long for something new? Something better? Something freeing from the constant ache that is a search for the truth?
    It’s not always an easy thing to find your truth. It can hurt like hell if you shut it out for too long. I think that is what they are so scared of. For me, however, the pain was so brief compared to the pain I had felt before. The pain from the search in finding yourself makes you value your truth so much more! Why can’t they see it? Why do I not have the words to save them? I suppose it is not my place. They have to be ready to find themselves. Will they ever be ready?  I can’t get them through Hell, but I can show them that I did get through it, and perhaps they will find the strength and courage within to do the same.

Jessica Hurley